Hi, i really tried getting a topic for this post but everytime i came up with one, it just didn’t fit so please bear with me. Trust me, it took alot to write and be willing to share this story but it is my prayer that you are blessed and transformed through the message of this post amen. Plus i have missed you guys too, lets get into it shall we？
Some weeks ago, i got hit by some truth from God and trust me when i say it was exactly what i needed. I claimed for so long that i was over the pain and hurt of loving someone and why it didn’t work out but it was a lie. I covered it up with being busy and lots of good works and tried all i could to pay no attention to the bleeding on the inside until the heart got worse and turned cancerous. It was so comfortable just liking people and not allowing anyone get too close. I was merely accepting and not so forgiving because when the talk of opening up or anything of that nature came up, i would crawl back into my shell. I hadn’t forgiven with all my heart as i would like to think. I was lowkey becoming my worst nightmare on the inside. People would see me and give remarks like ‘oh she is so kind and easygoing’ but the state of me on the inside was different, i was like the beast in beauty and the beast (a cartoon) hiding way in the dark, you come in and all you see is the beautiful castle but i do everything and anything to get you away from the beast. Today i can speak freely of this because my heart was exposed to me, and i have been selfish, selfishness should not be treated casually, it makes you label certain parts of your life and the amazing thing is you don’t even know. You even begin to label your pain and hurt. You would hear things like “my ex, my heartbreak, my failed marriage” it’s not yours, it happened yes, no arguement in that but don’t let it make you selfish, because for me, it made me think only about myself and my sanity, and while that too is important, the way i went on about things was clearly unhealthy because i wanted by all means to protect myself and swore to not get hurt again, but that in itself defiled the whole scheme of trusting God and declaring that i give my heart away when all these while, i’ve had it locked away
That’s my own short story, yours may be relative or different but understand that the reason you are still holding on to the hurt and pain is because you are yet to fully understand that your past isn’t who you are, your identity is in your maker and you are all that He says you are, honey you are gold！
Thing is, we are broken so we may be made stronger, We can’t be fighting battles we have surrendered to God. Every hurt, each tear is only another step taking you closer to your unending victory, i know how it feels to have expectations of someone or something and be let down, it’s difficult to handle without closure, without the right answers but thats not an excuse to not heal or move on, as i have learnt this season. Give your heart to God freely and let Him do His work through you and He will surely send you someone that will protect that heart and cherish your heart but for now, allow the wounds heal, let go of the past and the pain of the past, don’t live in hatred towards whatever or whoever hurt you, allow the love of God flow freely through you and know that its intentional.
Jesus is our strength and joy, He is the lifter of our countenance. God will not change , He is forever faithful,
GRACE and PEACE